Avocado Avocado!

Breakfast
2 eggs, cheddar cheese and spinach in an omelet form, about a cup of orange juice. Sugar free rockstar.

Lunch
Spinach salad with feta cheese, green onion, avocado and orange. Raspberry vinaigrette dressing.

Dinner
2 quesadillas, 2 heaped tablespoons of sour cream, 1 avocado.

Exercise
35 mins Zumba
20 minutes stretching

I ate breakfast in a rush today. I was running behind this morning because of my inability to wake up before 9am. I should probably start going to bed earlier, but I just can’t. I can’t wait until the sun comes up at 5am and I only need 3 hours of sleep to get through the night.

Lunch happened around 3:30ish, I cut up the avocado which was nearly bad and the orange, threw it in my salad and went to town. It held me over until dinner where I had a couple quesadillas with my last avocado.*

I’m going to stop buying avocado. I love them so much that its starting to border on obsession. Also, I only go shopping once every other week, so when I buy several avocados, they all ripen at the same time, and I feel “pressured” to eat them. And by pressured I mean overjoyed. But alas, even with all the healthy benefits of avocado, eating two whole ones a day simply is not going to produce the results I’m looking for. So, I’ve got one today, one for tomorrow, and then I’m limiting myself buying ONE one the rest of my shopping trips. I wish they froze well.

(*I wrote all the above just before lunch. Its 1130pm, and I’ve just finished eating dinner.)

The difference a few hours makes is astounding. The differences a few minutes make can be legendary. The difference a few seconds can make could rock your world.

I struggled to make dinner. I was in the middle of washing dishes, and just didn’t have a feeling of  “fuel body” but I was worried once I went to bed (or even just sat down) that I would realize I was hungry, and then suddenly be to the point of not caring what went inside. So I stopped washing dishes and started preparing dinner. It should have been a relatively easy thing to do. I make dinner every night, I have since I was 12. But noticing that I wasn’t hungry, did I then decide to pass on the avocado? It seemed to be just wasteful to not eat the whole thing, but damn, two avocados in a day? Really? Is that going to help me lose weight? I thought about throwing the other half away- and why that simply wouldn’t be acceptable. Its avocado. Then I pondered the possibility of eating it all, as a final hurrah of sorts. But how are you supposed to lose weight when your are constantly having a “last hurrah!”? Not very easily, I suspect. Finally I threw my hands up in the air and wondered how the hell I was supposed to lose any weight at all if my thinking about food is so disordered? How the hell am I supposed to navigate that mess I’ve weaved over the last 25 years?

Breakthrough. I mashed up the whole avocado. I would eat it mindfully. I would focus all my attention on the texture and flavor, the way the cheese melts and the tanginess of the sour cream. I would not allow myself to feel guilty. I would stop eating when I was full. If that meant I ate the entire avocado, then that was okay and I was not going to feel guilty about it. I’ve already made a decision to never keep that many avocados in my house again. 

I turned off the tv, I sat down in front of the table. I closed my eyes and took a breath. I asked my body on a scale of 1 to 10, how hungry it was. It answered with a surprised 8. I began to take my first bite.

And then I heard a rapid exchange of knocking, or to my already panicked ears, gun fire. (You have to understand, my neighbors who recently seperated, have not had the kind of relationship that is afraid of phsyical arguments. When alcohol is involved, who knows what could happen. I’m not ready for that kind of eventuality, and I freaked out.) I grabbed my plate (because I was starved at that point, like I hadn’t eaten all day and not just the last 6 hours) and went up to my room. I locked my door. I ate at the avocado, and the rest of the first quesadilla, with little mindfulness. I was too busy listening for screams, shuffling bodies, or sirens. But the food calmed me. It served its old purpose well, I guess. I came back downstairs after I was sure the “coast was clear”, and sat down, turned on the tv and continued to eat the second quesadilla with the rest of the avocado. I am completely overwhelmed at how much effort I had to put into tonight’s dinner. It should have been a simple, quiet, dinner, followed by bed. Instead I’m rattled and worried, and feeling a little guilty about how I ate.

On the bright side, no more Avocados.

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I better be able to walk 13.1 miles…

…Because come Sept. 18th, I will be in Maui, walking a half marathon. I am really doing this. Its bought and paid for, so I’d better go! I’m super excited. The whole thing just kind of fell into place. And now, I just need to get in shape.

Me and my mom, taken oct. 2010

My mom and I are flying out on the 14th, we’ll be staying for an entire week and she will be walking a 5k. Currently my mom is suffering from really bad arthiris in her knees, mostly due to being overweight. I hope this turns into an opportunity to rediscover her awesomeness.

The most amazing part of this trip is, I had originally planned to do something similar over my birthday this year. However, when I saw that this marathon would be happening in September, I knew it was fate. You see, it is happening a year from the day my aunt died. My mom was very very close to her, as was I, and I know it’ll be a great way to let go, honor her and move forward.

food log 2/9/11

Breakfast
handful of slivered almonds, crasins and  chocolate chips, bagel with cream cheese, protein hot cocoa.

lunch
two open faced quesadillas with an avocado and table spoon of sour cream.(4 tortillas were used)

Dinner
1 medium veggie pesto supreme thin crust pizza, half a 2 liter of diet pepsi.

At least I wasn’t snacking.

Other important events that happened: My cousin (who is my best friend) had her baby. 7 lbs 12 oz. A ginger. He was born with a leaky lung, so he was moved into NICU  at a different hospital in six inches of snow, before my cousin had a chance to hold him. (The next day I heard he was doing much better and will be home by the weekend.)

I didn’t go to work.

Oops! I did it again….

So some part of me feels like the weekends are my days to shoot the wind, behave as badly as I want and not stay accountable to myself or my blog. I think I ate pretty well on Saturday, but Sunday was a whole other story. I went food shopping, and ate two cups of cashews, two bowls of cereal, Amy’s Pesto Tortellini, a GIANT salad from the salad bar, Sobe Green Tea, quarter gallon chocolate soy milk, the rest of those damn circus animal cookies which I never should have bought in the first place, at least 2 cups of hot cocoa, and I’m sure there is something else, but I can’t remember any more.

I gained 4 pounds over the weekend. I was at 307.5, Today I’m at 311 (pre-pooping. All those nuts, you see.). I’m burping sulfur this morning. Gross.

I kept myself home this weekend because I got some new kitties and I wanted them to adjust to my house and life and whatnot. It made stretching on the floor pretty interesting, and I decided to put off the Zumba until tomorrow, but I think that was mostly because not moving is a lot easier than moving. I keep thinking getting a gym membership would motivate me more, but then I’m afraid of the additional cost every month, especially if I end up not using it which is my biggest fear. I’m always trying to make myself earn the privledge of a gym membership, but I never do because “something always happens”.

I’m just rambling now. I’ll stop. Need more coffee.

Accidental Shepard’s Pie

 For dinner tonight, I thought I would make Shepard’s Pie, vegetarian style. As I started cooking the ingredients, one by one, I added them to the pot, until it was time to make the mashed potatoes. I reached into my cupboard for the instant flakes, just to shake the box and realize it was nearly empty. There wasn’t nearly enough to make 1 serving, let alone enough for an entire casserole dish. Lucky for me, the yams/sweet potatoes (I can never tell which is which- these had the dark skin) from thanksgiving that I forgot to make were still good so I threw them in the microwave.

This was really my first time making sweet potatoes for something that didn’t involve brown sugar so I was kind of worried how they would turn out. I also don’t think I had ever microwaved them before, so that was an experience.  Once I peeled the skins, I mashed in a two tablespoons of butter, a half cup of almond milk, salt pepper, paprika, poultry seasoning, and garlic powder. I’ve never tasted such a savory potato. So good.

I threw a bit of cheese on top (I had to restrain myself- it was so hard to not pile on three cups worth, but I did it!) and baked it for 30 minutes. I don’t know if this is how you’re supposed to make it, but its how I’m going to continue making it, that’s for sure!

Recipe:
Preheat oven to 375f
1 bag vegetarian meat crumbles
1 cup corn nibbles
1 cup peas
1 cup broccoli
1/2 cup random veggies you think would be awesome. Go ahead, and surprise yourself. Beans, maybe?
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 packet of onion soup mix
1-2 tablespoon french dressing
salt and pepper to taste

3-4 yams/sweet potatoes
2-3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup milk
Salt, pepper, garlic powder, paprika to taste.

Mix the first list, cook thoroughly, adding the cream of mushroom and soup mix towards the end. Feel free to experiment. Mash the potatoes and what not. Spread the filling into a casserole dish, top with potatoes and spread evenly. Top potatoes with cheddar or perhaps a mozzarella blend. Bake for 30 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes. Enjoy. Try to keep yourself from having seconds.

Todays word is: Optimism

Ice lynx

 I’m so glad the sun is coming back. I want to tackle everything. I’m starting to stay up later and later because I have so much energy at night now. It makes waking up in the morning quite difficult. You know what makes waking up easy? Exercise. Today I didn’t sweat as much as say, the last two days and I was kind of disappointed.

My life is on the verge of its next major transition. There is a very good possibility that in 24 hours I will be a kitty owner. At the end of March I will have a new roommate. I’m so hoping she will want to go on long walks and eventual runs with me. I know my new coworker might be talked into it.

Feburary 19th I will be gathering in downtown Anchorage to walk 1 mile for the united way. I’m very excited, as it will probably be quite snowy, and I still haven’t quite reconciled cold snowy weather and phsyical activity. If you’d like to learn more, you can visit the widget over here ——->

My view from lunch last weekend @uaa

I’m so pleased with life right now. Everything seems to make sense, puzzle pieces aren’t being forced into places they don’t belong. Excitement is just brimming at all the edges of my consciousness. I can’t wait to see what happens next. I’m losing weight again, the same 10 lbs I lost three times last year. This time though, I’m confident its going to gain a lot more company. As they say, If not now, then when? If not you, then who?

 

Food log 2/1/11

Breakfast
Breakfast cookie, banana, half cup hot cocoa. (My whey protein curdled in my mug. I was pretty distraught.)

Lunch
2 cups black bean corn couscous salad, breakfast cookie, handful of trailmix. (I felt starved all day at work. It was terrible.)

Dinner
whole grain spaghetti with broccoli, spinach, and alfredo sauce. breakfast cookie, hot chocolate, skinny cow ice cream, 7 parmesean pretzel crackers, I think thats it.

So I’m kind of noticing that I’m eating breakfast cookies as um, not breakfast food. When I do look to eat one, its usually “to replace an additional part of my meal, like meat.” At least I think thats whats going through my head when I try to justify it. I think the safest thing to say here is, there is no such thing as a “safe” cookie. They’re either all the devil or their all forgivable. There is no middle.

Exercise
25 mins Zumba + additional stretching, and walking .75 of a mile (which I’m never sure whether or not to include this .75 of a mile because its part of my daily commute).

Tomorrow I gotta focus on my homework. I’m starting to feel… rushed. Also, I’m really tired, and probably should have just left this part out. Good night, good morning, Namaste.

Food log 1/31/11

Breakfast

Chonga bagel skinny mocha

Lunch
spinach swiss tomato and kalamata olives on multigrain bread- delish. 20 oz cherry coke.

Dinner
Breakfast cookie banana santa fe rice and beans by eating right.

Monday I was so tired. Two people in my office are sick right now, and I’m kinda worried I’m gonna be next. Monday night I went home, and watched an episode of Heavy. I was actually kind of impressed, I like the flow of the show. I felt so bad watching the show and just sitting there, that I started stretching, which led me into some free style yoga. I even did 20 push ups on my knees.

And then something happened. I found a second, third and fourth wind at 9pm (all at the same time!), and couldn’t get myself to settle down until well after 2am. I don’t know if this is something I should complain/worry about because well, who doesn’t want an extra burst of energy just before the day ends? I guess I wish I just handled it better. I was really confused and didn’t know what to do, so I did a little bit of everything but didn’t really do much of anything.

Oh well. Tuesday is a new day.