Roommate Drama

This weekend I moved in a new roommate, who we’ll call Saruman. Saruman has just left a very difficult roommate situation, one that she’ll claim she was the victim of the landlord at every turn.

I’m not so convinced of that, especially now.

Anyway, because she hid herself away yesterday, I had to miss my trip to the gym so I could talk to her about the situation. I would just like to take this moment to say, I am so glad I have got the sweat bug. If not for the sweat bug, I would be so tense and angry about Saruman and her bullshit, and things might not have turned out quite as pleasantly as they did… for now.

After she left for work, I put in the Sculpt and Tone Zumba DVD, and danced all my frustration out. Am I still frustrated? Yes. Am I better able to handle it then say… 6 months ago? Absolutely.

Sweating it good. I’m glad I do it. That is all.

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Weekend Overview

Last week was pretty amazing. I worked out 5/7 days, which is the first time I’ve met that exercise goal. I’m starting to find if I haven’t worked out before noon, my body starts going through withdrawls. I’m sitting at my work desk right now, and everything is sore, but all I want to do is sweat and move and burn. I feel so awesome afterwards I can barely stand it. Its completely addicting.

This weekend brought a lot of… food. I ate really well on Friday, until my co-workers “Broing” Away Party started, where I drank four or more beers (I lost count after two… I don’t hold my alcohol very well!), snacked on fudge, pizza pockets, trail mix, chips and queso and Tater Tots. I didn’t stress about it too much because the day before I had barely eaten 1000 calories after my zumba calorie defiencent, and on Saturday I did a really hard core work out for about 45 minutes that kicked my ass. I took a four hour nap afterwards. (It probably didn’t help that I was also hungover.)

The problem I experienced on Saturday was yet another food related issue. My eyes were too big for my stomach, you see. After my nap, I wasn’t really hungry but I hadn’t eaten since before my killer workout and decided I should have something. I made vegetarain tacos. It included mexican rice (rice, half a pack of taco seasoning, 1 can southwest style corn), taco “meat” (1 cup morning star meat crumbles, 1/2 pack taco seasoning) cheese and sour cream. I was full after 1 and half, but for some reason I just had to eat the whole plate. And I did. And it was terrible. I don’t know exactly what it was (it wasn’t so much that I had stuffed myself) but it happens almost every time I eat the veggie crumbles, I just get sick. Does that happen to anyone else?

Sunday, I slept in, and even though my body was super sore, I still zumba’d, still worked harder than I had ever before, and felt awesome afterward. For brunch I had quesadillas with left over rice (cause I’m never eating Morning Star Crumbles again… can’t do it.), after working out I had a bowl of cereal. Later that evening, I went to the theater and saw Black Swan with my friend and her boyfriend.

At BearTooth Theater, they serve real food like appetizers, pizza and burritos and beer, and whatnot, so I ordered a spicy bear burrito (Blackened tofu, grilled veggies, refried black beans, cheese, rice, cucumber-dill sauce, salsa fresca) and ate most of it, but really it just reaffirmed that I really don’t like tofu. I took a relatively large bite near the end and started gagging so I spit it out and put it rest of it aside. I also consumed a large coke.

So this week my new roommate is coming in, and I’m hoping she’ll be a workout buddy instead of someone who is just kinda in my way. My goal is to stay within my calorie budget, workout every day this week, though perhaps varying the intensity of the workouts. I just love the sore muscle feeling. Its so rewarding to lift my arms and feel the burn. Today’s weight: 305.8. Up .2 from last week, but considering how this weekend went down, I’m pretty impressed.

Happy Monday everyone!

When in Doubt, Put on your Shoes

While sitting at my desk at work, it was all I could do to keep from pulling out my hair. My heart wanted to race, and my body wanted to sweat, but I was stuck monitoring an empty room, watching the minutes roll by.

Okay. mostly I was hanging out on twitter and playing angry birds, but still; empty room, minutes twirling down the drain.

Fur Rondy, Anchorage 2011. I LOVE this town.

Then finally it was time to make my escape! I was driven home by a coworker, and went inside. I looked over some slightly frustrating mail, used the restroom, then sat down at my computer in  my room.

I didn’t move for nearly an hour.

Where was my drive that I had experienced beforehand? Surely it was in there somewhere. It seemed so much easier to continue watching my twitter, and eventually make my way into bed. Instead, I read off my affirmations, got up, put on some workout clothes and went back down stairs. I told myself, just put on your shoes. You’ll be ready to “move your body, shake it shake it!” as soon as you put on your shoes.

So I did. And then I did. It was exactly what I had wanted. It may have taken me an hour to start, but I did it and I feel awesome.

Affirmation #11) I love exercising. I love sweating.

Enter Witty Title Here

Yesterday I woke up, and tried to Zumba, but I just wasn’t feeling it. After 20 minutes I stopped, made breakfast and then got ready for work. Its really frustrating that I just can’t seem to wake up early enough to get a good workout in with time left to shower and get ready for the day. I was hoping once the sun started coming up at 8 it would make a difference, but so far, no such luck. While waiting for the bus a moose crossed my path. It kind of terrified me because they’re big and kick sideways. (That last part may or may not be true.)

My work day was relatively unimpressive. The best part about it was participating in Fitblog. I’m so lucky that I’m able to do that during work. It makes the last couple hours of my day just fly by. Afterwards, I kept thinking about my terribly unexciting Zumba workout. I decided when I got home, I would try it again.

Man, I impressed myself last night. I did the whole cardio party (minus the jumping bits, but I was doing other active stuff during those bits). Its impressive because I started at 9pm, and I never workout at night. I think I’ve decided to start, at least for the next few days before my roommate gets here.

Did I mention I’m getting a new roommate and my house will no longer be my own? We’ll see what kind of wrench that throws in my plans. I’m hoping not much of one. I mean to say, I’m going to try my damnest to make sure that it doesn’t. I’m going to Hawaii this fall, and I need to be able to MOVE.

Anyway, today I feel awesome and I can’t wait to go home and do it again!

Avocado Avocado!

Breakfast
2 eggs, cheddar cheese and spinach in an omelet form, about a cup of orange juice. Sugar free rockstar.

Lunch
Spinach salad with feta cheese, green onion, avocado and orange. Raspberry vinaigrette dressing.

Dinner
2 quesadillas, 2 heaped tablespoons of sour cream, 1 avocado.

Exercise
35 mins Zumba
20 minutes stretching

I ate breakfast in a rush today. I was running behind this morning because of my inability to wake up before 9am. I should probably start going to bed earlier, but I just can’t. I can’t wait until the sun comes up at 5am and I only need 3 hours of sleep to get through the night.

Lunch happened around 3:30ish, I cut up the avocado which was nearly bad and the orange, threw it in my salad and went to town. It held me over until dinner where I had a couple quesadillas with my last avocado.*

I’m going to stop buying avocado. I love them so much that its starting to border on obsession. Also, I only go shopping once every other week, so when I buy several avocados, they all ripen at the same time, and I feel “pressured” to eat them. And by pressured I mean overjoyed. But alas, even with all the healthy benefits of avocado, eating two whole ones a day simply is not going to produce the results I’m looking for. So, I’ve got one today, one for tomorrow, and then I’m limiting myself buying ONE one the rest of my shopping trips. I wish they froze well.

(*I wrote all the above just before lunch. Its 1130pm, and I’ve just finished eating dinner.)

The difference a few hours makes is astounding. The differences a few minutes make can be legendary. The difference a few seconds can make could rock your world.

I struggled to make dinner. I was in the middle of washing dishes, and just didn’t have a feeling of  “fuel body” but I was worried once I went to bed (or even just sat down) that I would realize I was hungry, and then suddenly be to the point of not caring what went inside. So I stopped washing dishes and started preparing dinner. It should have been a relatively easy thing to do. I make dinner every night, I have since I was 12. But noticing that I wasn’t hungry, did I then decide to pass on the avocado? It seemed to be just wasteful to not eat the whole thing, but damn, two avocados in a day? Really? Is that going to help me lose weight? I thought about throwing the other half away- and why that simply wouldn’t be acceptable. Its avocado. Then I pondered the possibility of eating it all, as a final hurrah of sorts. But how are you supposed to lose weight when your are constantly having a “last hurrah!”? Not very easily, I suspect. Finally I threw my hands up in the air and wondered how the hell I was supposed to lose any weight at all if my thinking about food is so disordered? How the hell am I supposed to navigate that mess I’ve weaved over the last 25 years?

Breakthrough. I mashed up the whole avocado. I would eat it mindfully. I would focus all my attention on the texture and flavor, the way the cheese melts and the tanginess of the sour cream. I would not allow myself to feel guilty. I would stop eating when I was full. If that meant I ate the entire avocado, then that was okay and I was not going to feel guilty about it. I’ve already made a decision to never keep that many avocados in my house again. 

I turned off the tv, I sat down in front of the table. I closed my eyes and took a breath. I asked my body on a scale of 1 to 10, how hungry it was. It answered with a surprised 8. I began to take my first bite.

And then I heard a rapid exchange of knocking, or to my already panicked ears, gun fire. (You have to understand, my neighbors who recently seperated, have not had the kind of relationship that is afraid of phsyical arguments. When alcohol is involved, who knows what could happen. I’m not ready for that kind of eventuality, and I freaked out.) I grabbed my plate (because I was starved at that point, like I hadn’t eaten all day and not just the last 6 hours) and went up to my room. I locked my door. I ate at the avocado, and the rest of the first quesadilla, with little mindfulness. I was too busy listening for screams, shuffling bodies, or sirens. But the food calmed me. It served its old purpose well, I guess. I came back downstairs after I was sure the “coast was clear”, and sat down, turned on the tv and continued to eat the second quesadilla with the rest of the avocado. I am completely overwhelmed at how much effort I had to put into tonight’s dinner. It should have been a simple, quiet, dinner, followed by bed. Instead I’m rattled and worried, and feeling a little guilty about how I ate.

On the bright side, no more Avocados.

Accidental Shepard’s Pie

 For dinner tonight, I thought I would make Shepard’s Pie, vegetarian style. As I started cooking the ingredients, one by one, I added them to the pot, until it was time to make the mashed potatoes. I reached into my cupboard for the instant flakes, just to shake the box and realize it was nearly empty. There wasn’t nearly enough to make 1 serving, let alone enough for an entire casserole dish. Lucky for me, the yams/sweet potatoes (I can never tell which is which- these had the dark skin) from thanksgiving that I forgot to make were still good so I threw them in the microwave.

This was really my first time making sweet potatoes for something that didn’t involve brown sugar so I was kind of worried how they would turn out. I also don’t think I had ever microwaved them before, so that was an experience.  Once I peeled the skins, I mashed in a two tablespoons of butter, a half cup of almond milk, salt pepper, paprika, poultry seasoning, and garlic powder. I’ve never tasted such a savory potato. So good.

I threw a bit of cheese on top (I had to restrain myself- it was so hard to not pile on three cups worth, but I did it!) and baked it for 30 minutes. I don’t know if this is how you’re supposed to make it, but its how I’m going to continue making it, that’s for sure!

Recipe:
Preheat oven to 375f
1 bag vegetarian meat crumbles
1 cup corn nibbles
1 cup peas
1 cup broccoli
1/2 cup random veggies you think would be awesome. Go ahead, and surprise yourself. Beans, maybe?
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 packet of onion soup mix
1-2 tablespoon french dressing
salt and pepper to taste

3-4 yams/sweet potatoes
2-3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup milk
Salt, pepper, garlic powder, paprika to taste.

Mix the first list, cook thoroughly, adding the cream of mushroom and soup mix towards the end. Feel free to experiment. Mash the potatoes and what not. Spread the filling into a casserole dish, top with potatoes and spread evenly. Top potatoes with cheddar or perhaps a mozzarella blend. Bake for 30 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes. Enjoy. Try to keep yourself from having seconds.

Todays word is: Optimism

Ice lynx

 I’m so glad the sun is coming back. I want to tackle everything. I’m starting to stay up later and later because I have so much energy at night now. It makes waking up in the morning quite difficult. You know what makes waking up easy? Exercise. Today I didn’t sweat as much as say, the last two days and I was kind of disappointed.

My life is on the verge of its next major transition. There is a very good possibility that in 24 hours I will be a kitty owner. At the end of March I will have a new roommate. I’m so hoping she will want to go on long walks and eventual runs with me. I know my new coworker might be talked into it.

Feburary 19th I will be gathering in downtown Anchorage to walk 1 mile for the united way. I’m very excited, as it will probably be quite snowy, and I still haven’t quite reconciled cold snowy weather and phsyical activity. If you’d like to learn more, you can visit the widget over here ——->

My view from lunch last weekend @uaa

I’m so pleased with life right now. Everything seems to make sense, puzzle pieces aren’t being forced into places they don’t belong. Excitement is just brimming at all the edges of my consciousness. I can’t wait to see what happens next. I’m losing weight again, the same 10 lbs I lost three times last year. This time though, I’m confident its going to gain a lot more company. As they say, If not now, then when? If not you, then who?

 

Food log 2/1/11

Breakfast
Breakfast cookie, banana, half cup hot cocoa. (My whey protein curdled in my mug. I was pretty distraught.)

Lunch
2 cups black bean corn couscous salad, breakfast cookie, handful of trailmix. (I felt starved all day at work. It was terrible.)

Dinner
whole grain spaghetti with broccoli, spinach, and alfredo sauce. breakfast cookie, hot chocolate, skinny cow ice cream, 7 parmesean pretzel crackers, I think thats it.

So I’m kind of noticing that I’m eating breakfast cookies as um, not breakfast food. When I do look to eat one, its usually “to replace an additional part of my meal, like meat.” At least I think thats whats going through my head when I try to justify it. I think the safest thing to say here is, there is no such thing as a “safe” cookie. They’re either all the devil or their all forgivable. There is no middle.

Exercise
25 mins Zumba + additional stretching, and walking .75 of a mile (which I’m never sure whether or not to include this .75 of a mile because its part of my daily commute).

Tomorrow I gotta focus on my homework. I’m starting to feel… rushed. Also, I’m really tired, and probably should have just left this part out. Good night, good morning, Namaste.

Food Log 1/20/11

Breakfast
Single serving brie, sesame crackers, half an apple.

Lunch
Peanut butter oatmeal m&m chocolate chip cookie (1 large cookie, just so that’s clear. I was confused too.) two cups veggie spanish rice with cheese, diet coke.

Graduation
1 piece cake, 3 stalks broccoli, 1 baby carrot, 3 snap peas, dip, one cup of punch.

Dinner
1.5 cups veggie spanish rice with cheese and sour cream.

Exercise

20 mins Zumba.

My work has an alternative high school that has a mid school year graduation. 10 students graduated, 5 of them showed up this year. I acted as photographer 2.  It was really beautiful. I am always inspired by these kids who go through hell to get their diploma, but do it anyway. They don’t know just how amazing their achievement is at that point. The day you receive your diploma is the day people take you just a little more seriously. I’m so proud of all of them, and really happy that I got to be apart of their success.

Food Log 1/6/11

Breakfast
a failed attempt at box mac and cheese. took about 6 bites before I threw the rest away. (I blame its cheap quality and will insist til my departing that it was not me over boiling, it was the cheap waterlogged noodles.)

Lunch
Italian veggie sandwich on sourdough,
2 servings of kettle chips,
vitamin water zero,
Large Chocolate chip cookie.

Dinner
frozen Mac and Cheese (Eating Right) dinner,
water,
2 tablespoons creamcheese frosting,
1/2 cup chocolate soymilk,
3/4 cup trailmix,
100 cal pack of oreos.

Exercise
20 minutes Zumba