Struggling with Mindful Eating

When I started this blog, I had no real weight loss goals; I still don’t. The idea was to eat mindfully, and just be aware of what was actually being consumed.

Through the progression of my blog, I’ve calmed down on taking pictures, and documenting everything. I’ve started and stopped counting calories numerous times. I’ve stopped really mindfully eating.

What I mean is, when I first started, I would sit around, wait until I got hungry, and then eat. I would make sure the screen was off, the picture was taken, and I checked in to see just how hungry I was. Half way through my meal I checked in again.

I don’t really do that anymore.

It was effective: I slowed my roll on binging almost immediately. Sometimes it was really difficult to figure out why I was trying to find something to eat when I could clearly tell I wasn’t hungry. But the biggest thing that happened was, I would allow myself to become so hungry I thought I would pass out before I was able to remedy it.

Then slowly the screens stayed on while I was eating. The checking in didn’t happen because my general eating habit stayed “relatively the same”, it was routine to eat the same 4 items every day. It became mindless again.

So, where am I at now?

Eating Mindfully helped get me back on track, and in touch with myself. Its been a great tool to help put me back on even footing when it comes to eating. However, if I were being honest with myself and my blog, I have a number in the back of my head that I want to get to, and maybe one or two lower than that. If I were being honest, I don’t believe eating mindfully is going to get me there; at least not on its own.

If I don’t want to count points or calories or making silly rules about when and where I can eat certain food groups (because, lets be honest: I tried that too and have failed miserably at it) then what am I left with? How do I get to where I want to go?

To be honest, I don’t really want to change. Or I do, but not from what I’ve said I’m going to do, but actually be consistent in doing what I’ve said I’m going to do. I need constant urging “this is why you do what you do”.twit

The punishment for reverting to old ways is staying fat and getting fatter. Plain and simple.

I want to move forward and try something new. Some new, and short term, just to prove I can. (can you see where I’m going with this?) Based on the way I feel physically when I don’t drink milk, or consume dairy products, I’ve decided starting on July 5th, to eat the vegan way for at least one month.

Yesterday, (the 5th) I had watermelon and black bean tacos with avocado salsa, and then a bowl of special k red berries and chocolate soy milk.  For this month, I’m going to try to get back into photographing food, and blogging it.

Today I’ve had a left over taco and kale chips. It’ll be interesting to see how my body adjusts. Wish me luck!


lI am super excited that it is Friday, and I have a three day weekend. While I don’t have much in the way of plans, what I DO have is a new attempt to get back on track. Solstice is a pretty big deal up in Alaska, as some parts of it actually have a full 24 hours of daylight, so I’m hoping to enjoy some of those festivities tomorrow. I think Anchorage pans out at about 20 hours of light or so, but it never actually gets “dark” those other four hours. More of a twilight blue sky. It has definitely made sleeping the last couple of weeks nearly impossible. Sunday I’m hoping to talk one of my friends with a car in to going to the Whittier Tunnel for the March of Dimes walk. The March of Dimes is having a Fun Walk through the tunnel, and with Whittier being on the other side, I just have to go. Its beautiful there.

Next week I’m going to start it off by renewing my early gym experiences and challenging myself to go even earlier than I used to so I can spend more time there. Hopefully I’ll also be able to convince my supervisor that I need to change my Monday schedule to come in later so I can go to the gym in the morning. What I’ve learned about myself these last two weeks is: If I don’t do it first thing in the morning, its not going to happen. In that, I am a product of my Mother.

I have less than 90 days before I go to Hawaii. A lot can happen in three months, and I intend to make the most of it.
My goals for the next three months:

  • Be more proactive at tracking my food, and trying to stay within a calorie budget being accountable about it.
  • Work myself up to two-a-days because I really want to be the kind of person who does two-a-days.
  • FINISH C25k training, and rock it!
  • Remain uninjured
  • Stop eating out, thus saving ALL of my money since that’s ALL I spend my money on these days.
  • Feel Awesome.

Point Worzonof Walk 2011

Friday after work, I got my butt in gear and started to pack for my outing. I wasn’t really sure how long it would take since I was going for distance, not speed and made sure to pack a clif bar and some granola. Before catching the bus home I bought a very large bottle of water. I meant to sneak some bottles from work but forgot until I was all the way down the street!

I tried finding a friend or two to go walking with me, but as soon as I said 10 miles they were all, “Um yeah… no.”


The walk from the starting point on the trail was actually only 3.75 miles each way, but I walk from my house which adds an additional mile, for the final total of about 9.5 miles.

While I was packing but before I left, I realized I had lost my keys somewhere. I remembered taking the off the hook so I could put them in my pocket, but then mysteriously could not find them ANYWHERE. Luckily my roommate was downstairs and I was able to ask her to leave the door unlocked. She didn’t really seem comfortable with the idea, her eyebrows rise up in a way that says, “I’ll go ahead and agree to this but whether or not it actually happens is a different story.” /foreshadowing

Just before 7pm I set off on my journey.

Westchester Lagoon is probably one of my favorite spots in Anchorage. They have a disc golf course, and plenty of room to picnic around in. Plus there is this gorgeous body of water that people boat on during the summer and ice skate on during the winter. Many of the races I go on will go by this at some point.

I was really excited to get my walk on, but there were so many photo ops, I had to stop and take a few.

This is where the trail begins at the Lagoon. In reality it starts about 2 miles earlier than this at the Ship Creek trail head.

The view half way around the Lagoon. I look at these mountains every day. I’m overwhelmed by the prettiness that is just in Anchorage, let alone outside of the city!

Not going to lie: I was kind of getting irritated with myself at this point. But… baby ducks. Gotta stop and look at the baby ducks. They’re just so cute!

Finally getting a move on, and just before the mile 1 marker, A view of where I would be walking to. Point Worzonof.

Got a little color in my cheeks, but happy and moving. There were a lot of people on the trail so I wasn’t too worried about Moose stepping out of the trees, and had my headphones in. I was rocking out to a playlist of my own design. A Genius playlist, based on Rolling in the Deep by Adele, cause I love her.

Just before reaching Mile 3, there is Earthquake Park. It was really shady and entrenched with mosquitoes, so I paused long enough to get a little stretch in, mow down on some trail mix and then started moving again.

I didn’t see a mile marker 4 point, but I figured it could have been too far off from my destination. Just towards the end, the hill going down got very steep and very curvy. I started cursing, knowing I would have to walk back up it, but when I did, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Or possibly I just couldn’t feel my legs. Time of arrival: 8:59pm.

I paused and had some more trail mix, drank some more water. I sat in the grass, and just enjoyed the view. The thing I love most about Point Worzonof is that the Airport is right next to it, and quite often the planes will take off and make their final descent right over head. It smells like jet fuel, but I don’t care because its awesome.

 Above: Mount Susitna, or as the locals call it, The Sleeping Lady.

Now, I started getting tired. My stamina was rapidly disappearing. I even had to turn on my Awesome Opossum play list to keep me going. I was not pleased.

Before I knew it, I had made it back to the Lagoon. My home was only a hop, skip, jump of a mile away!

Beautiful reflection. There are these broken down boxes that look like at one point they must have been part of a dock. I don’t really know what they are. On the other side of those tree’s is a hill from hell that I love to ascend. Last year I had to stop several times to get up it. Now I don’t at all. It was originally part of my route this walk, but I’m not sure I could have done it would injuring myself at that point. I had nothing left.

I finally reached my home, at 11:01pm. I walked up on the porch and turned my door knob… well, tried to turn my doorknob. It was locked. After discussing with Suraman that the door should be left unlocked, it was not. So I spent the next 20 minutes pounding on the door, yelling her name up at the window (her light was still on), and even enlisted my neighbors to help me get in my apartment. Finally she comes down, wrapped in a towel, hair all wet.

Of course she was in the shower. How can I possibly blame her for wanted the door locked when she’s in the shower?

I used the very last of my energy to make a protein smoothie, took it up stairs, cleared my room well enough that I could put my legs up against my wall, and left them there for 22 minutes, or approximately the length of one How I Met Your Mother episode. Specifically, the Lucky Penny Episode where Marshall trains to run the New York City Marathon, only to break his toe the day before the race. Barney runs in his place without having trained, and then later gets stuck on the subway because he can’t move his legs. Legendary.

I spent Saturday in a haze of useless brain, spent money on clothes I don’t actually need, and can’t really afford, missed my friend’s BBQ, and was angry the whole day.I ate a lot of carbs, but I didn’t eat a lot, so that was good.

Stamina. Its something I need.

Last nights dinner

Last night I walked home from work, just missing the giant rain clouds above, and made an incredible salad. It included mixed greens, grapes, feta, chik patty, cherry tomatoes, kalamata olives, and home made Strawberry Balsamic Vinaigrette, which was just to die for.

I looked up a couple of recipes and then just decided to make my own.

Strawberry Balsamic Vinaigrette

  • 1 cup strawberries, tops removed
  • 1/2 cup olive oil
  • 2 TBS balsamic vinegar
  • 1 tsp honey
  • 1 pinch flaxseeds
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Parsley flakes
  • Basil flakes

I chopped the fresh strawberries, mixed all the ingredients in a blender, and processed until smooth. It turned out creamy and delicious. Makes about 1.5 cups.

  I kind of want to put it on everything.

Todays salad will probably be a replica. I’m pretty excited. And now, off to #fitblog!

Todays lunch

I made Quinoa Puttenesca for lunch today. This recipe was modified from Appetite for Reduction: 125 Fast and Filling Low-Fat Vegan Recipes… it included capers. I don’t know what they are, and to be perfectly honest, I intend living the rest of my life without discovering their nature. I replaced them with feta.

It also called for white wine which I didn’t have on hand so I replaced that with vegetable broth. It’s quite tasty. I like the contrast of the quinoa with the olives and cheese. It was a nice change from regular pasta. I do love me some kalamata olives, and this was my first time actually cooking with them. Its been a long time since I’ve had quinoa and I forgot how much I enjoy the nuttiness and the crunchiness. Like little globes popping in your mouth with every bite.

I was in quite the rush today. I went to the gym this morning, after waking up and dreading the idea of getting out of bed. It was a great experience! I finished W2D1 of c25k. I also did 15 minutes on the elliptical cause I love that thing. Though, there was this lunk there that hopped on the treadmill between me and some other dude, even though there were plenty others available, and then kept looking at our progress and making faces. He would just stare until I looked over at him. It was frustrating because I was doing awesome! I kept my heart rate in check and didn’t give up even when I was running out of time to catch the bus, and this guy is going to pass judgment on me for what? His own damn ego? I’mma throw a stick on his treadmill next time!

So I’ve got about 4 more hours of work left before I go home, and my body is deliciously sore, and my tummy deliciously sated. All and all its been a pretty good day. Going to hit it hard tomorrow, and then Friday is my friends birthday. We’re going to the museum and I don’t know what else but it should be a good long day!